I called my father and said, “There are a few difficulties. But I think I may have met my future bride.” To be more specific, she resided in Spain. We had barely gone on a few dates, and we didn’t share a single language when I first saw her during a week-long trip to Europe. She has no idea I plan to marry her, I informed my amused father. Yet, I was 24 and over over heels in love. So none of it prevented me from starting a romantic adventure. I left my work in New York after a year that was broken up by two incredibly brief visits and relocated. Barcelona planning to learn the language, hoping that when she could actually understand me. She would fall in love with me.
The process of falling in love was Sturm und Drang: occasionally joyful, but also perilous, uncertain, and emotionally taxing before. I came to Spain our long-distance relationship was characterised by torturous phone calls, incomprehensible letters and frequent misunderstandings. Future me didn’t have to convince young me that there can be a lot of unhappiness associated with the initial phases of love passion in order for me to know that for instance. I would have answered, “Well, duh,” if I had been provided the evidence showing “destiny beliefs” about soul mates or love being meant to be would predict low forgiveness when combined with attachment anxiety.
In How to Create a Good Life, Arthur Brooks. Dr. Vivek Murthy talk about ways to lessen how loneliness affects our day-to-day lives.
Although it can be thrilling, falling in love isn’t necessarily the key to happiness. A more true statement would be that falling in love is the initial investment in happiness. A thrilling but stressful stage we must go through to reach the relationships that truly satisfy us.
Falling in love and passionate love frequently take over our brains in ways that can make us feel ecstatic or utterly hopeless. Although thrilling, it’s impossible to imagine that it will produce contentment. Some historical eras, it has even been linked to suicide.
Yet, research has found that one of the best predictors of happiness is romantic love. From the late 1930s. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has examined the relationship between a person’s behaviours and subsequent well-being. Many of the patterns the investigation discovered are significant but expected. The happiest, healthiest people in old age, among other behaviours, included not smoking. (or quitting early in life), exercising, drinking in moderation or not at all, and maintaining mental activity. But in compared to one significant habit. Stable relationships—and particularly a long love relationship—are the most significant indicators of late-life satisfaction. Those who are in the best physical and mental health at age 80 typically had the happiest relationships when they were 50.
In other words, maintaining a relationship is the key to happiness, not finding it. This goes beyond simply cooperating on the legal front. According to research, having a spouse only contributes 2% to subjective well-being in later life. Relationship pleasure is crucial for wellbeing, and it depends on what psychologists. Refer to as “companionate love”—a form of love focused less on ecstatic highs and lows and more on consistent affection, understanding, and commitment.
You might think the phrase “companionate love” sounds a bit… depressing. After the aforementioned amateur romantic comedy, I definitely did when I first heard it. I can promise you that I did not move to Barcelona like a knight errant in quest of “companionate love.” So allow me to wrap up the tale. We have been happily married for 30 years because she said we now text each other at least 20 times per day, and it turns out that we like each other in addition to loving each other. She is not just my best friend, but also my one and only romantic love.
True happiness is produced by companionate love since it is based on friendship. Passionate love, which is based on attraction, usually ends when the novelty of the relationship has worn off. The mere familiarity of companionate the type of love that makes people happiest is its foundation. The benefits of marriage are substantially greater for people who also view their spouse as their best friend, as one researcher simply describes the evidence in the Journal of Happiness Research.
What if friendship and marriage was not at the center of life?
The company of best friends provides delight, fulfilment, and meaning. They compliment one another, politely tease one another, and enjoy one another’s company. Grace Coolidge the wife of President Calvin Coolidge and he were renowned for their friendship. Mrs. Coolidge allegedly said something to the farmer as the president and first lady were touring a poultry farm. Loud enough for the president to hear—thought it was incredible that one rooster could fertilize so many eggs. The farmer informed her that every day, the roosters again performed their duties. She smiled and said, “Maybe you could bring that out to Mr. Coolidge.” When the president heard the comment, he wondered if the rooster always served the same hen. The farmer responded that there were numerous hens for every rooster. The president suggested that you bring that up to Mrs. Coolidge.
Despite promiscuous roosters, monogamous relationships seem to be the most romantic and fulfilling for people. Not being a moralist, I offer this as a social scientist: According to a survey of 16,000. American adults conducted in 2004. The happiness-maximizing number of sexual partners in the preceding year is assessed to be 1 for both men and women.
Yet, profound friendship and companionate the type of love that makes people happiest shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. Researchers at the University of Michigan discovered that, compared to spouses. Who did not have close friends outside of their marriage. Married people aged 22 to 79 who reported having at least two close friends. But that is, at least one other than their spouse—had higher levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem and lower levels of depression. In other words while it may be required long-term love for a partner is not enough to ensure happiness.